I know this looks long....but please take the time to read it...i had a "pivotal life moment" today and i wanted to share it with you...

so an elderly neighbor of mine from home died today....i haven't talked to him in ages but i have so many memories of being over at his farm when i was little, i would play with his animals, especially his cats, and his wife would always have a bag of those corn puff things out on the kitchen table, they're kind of like the really big cheetos but without being cheesy, and i ate them like candy...now i can't stand them...weird...that house was always my first stop on Halloween night, because we lived in the country (and since there is often inches of snow on the ground by that time in Minnesota) my dad would drive me around to all our close family friends so I could go trick-or-treating...they always expected me, probably because they knew that i would be their only trick-or-treater that night, since i was the only house close enough to them...his wife had the best things to hand out, homemade cookies in the shape of pumpkins and ghosts and black cats...i always looked forward to their house the most...i remember being babysat by their daughter too, now she's married and i think has kids...wow, time flies...

i don't know why i'm so sad about him passing away...maybe because he was only diagnosed with cancer 2 months ago...2 months...when you're older like he was and have accumulated so many friends and loved ones in your lifetime, how could 2 months have possibly been enough time to say all he wanted to say to those people and do all the things he never got to do...my guess is it definitely wasn't enough time, and i think that's what makes me so sad...i sit here and think about how many people i have encountered in my short 19 years of life and i don't know what i would do if i was given 2 months to tell them how much i love them and tell them how sorry i am for all the times i hurt them and ask for their forgiveness so i could leave this earth knowing everything was made right again...i just can't even fathom how difficult that would be...

i tend to forget how quickly life is passing us by...i'm so used to my daily routine that when i look up at the sky while walking to class and realize there's not a single cloud and it is one of the most beautiful sights i've ever seen, that if i just took the time to look up and around me every day, i would constantly see those miraculous things...i guess i'm just so scared that i'm going to leave this earth or someone that i love is going to be taken from me, and i'll never get the chance to tell them i love them or that i'm sorry for the horrible things i did to them...

i want so badly to never have regrets about anything in my life. i've realized that there's not enough time in the day to be regretting anything we do in life, because the minute we look back and regret something, that's one moment of our lives in front of us that we'll miss out on seeing...

i know it's hard to express emotion over the internet, but i truly want everyone that reads this to know that no matter how close we may be, i truly care about every one of you in my life...whether you can see it here or not, if you are in my life you have changed me somehow...and for that i am forever grateful...
i know i may not always show it, and i know i've done some things that i need to ask forgiveness for, but no matter what has happened between you and i in the past, i still love you so much and don't know what i would do without each and every one of you in my life...

this may be too sappy sentimental for some of you, but i guess i just hope it makes you think...i hope it makes you think about the next time you're angry at someone, or "having a bad day" because you hit every red light...just remember that you have no idea how much time you have left, today might be your last day, the minute you're reading this may be your last minute here on earth, you have no idea...so don't waste it on the petty things, life is too short to let a second go by that isn't given all it's worth...i know we all have bad days, that's inevitable, but we don't have to have those bad days let us miss out on the joys of life...instead of being mad at that person, take them to lunch and work things out (as always, communication is key)...and instead of huffing and puffing at each red light you have to stop at, take that 60 seconds to say a little prayer of thanks to God for being alive that day, because unknown to us, their are millions who have died that very same day and it very well could have been you too...

so anyway, i didn't mean for this to be so long, but i truly wanted to speak from my heart about something, i know my life is going to be different now...i know my outlook on life lately has been as negative as it has ever been and i hate it...i am going to change, i promise to change, and i hope this has made you take a moment to look at your life too...i love you and just want to say thank-you for anything and everything...

Some of my favorite pick-me-up quotes:

"Take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt, because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back."

Dont try to hold back your smile,
just wear it.
Dont try to stifle your joy,
just share it.
Dont long and hunger for love,
just give it.
Dont hold out waiting for life,
just live it.

Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning how to dance in the rain.

photos like this make me miss home so much! :( I love you all so much, even those of you that aren't in the picture....I hope everyone's years began well! Can't wait to see you all!